Cry me a river

I have been super, super busy at work and have been concentrating on survival…. Stress has been my constant company.  Unfortunately for me I just have to suck it up and deal with it, the more upset you get, the more people seem to want to pile you with CRAP.  When I was younger I didn’t worry much and used to go with the flow; it just seemed easier.

These days I seem to worry about everything and feel drained and I wish I could go back to carefree, careless me.

I used to think that my “prince charming” was going to rescue me and life would be perfect.  But after husband “number two” and 11 years of marriage trying to create the perfect family and life, this idea is now “dead” to me – Well and truly DEAD.  Not the idea of marriage or a relationship as such, just the “conditional bullshit” that seems to be the order of the day with relationships.

I have been single for several years now and I believe that if I truly wanted to be in a relationship I would be.  It seems that I may be giving out a “signal” to blokes that I am not interested in a relationship….

Maybe that is why I seem to be attracting the “unavailable” ones.  The guys that have commitment issues, mother issues, abandonment issues, “ISSUES” or are just plain married or have a partner?  There has been a constant parade of the same “type”, just disguised in a different body.  Some of them actually looked exactly like previous partners that I have had – so much so that my children have made comment.

The girls would say “oh no, not another bald, fat one” LOL.

Part of the problem has been attempting to look for a partner on-line, which has contributed to the “Loser factor” and the lack of quality control.  Being a single parent and having 4 children was always a reality check for most of the “potentials” – as soon as this was revealed their behaviour changed.  My job and the work I do; especially being a shift worker and being in a position of authority added to the debate; most guys can’t handle a woman in an “authoritarian position” and usually have a very immature reaction toward it.  *SIGH*

I could blame a thousand things for being unable to find a decent partner, but at the end of the day I just don’t think I am in the right mind-frame to be a “girlfriend”.  I don’t think I have the time, energy or inclination to be a “girlfriend” and for once in my life I don’t need a bloke to “rescue” me.

I actually feel sorry for women who appear “desperate” to find a boyfriend…. Especially when they are facing the prospect of not meeting “Mr Right” in time to BREED and have children, I feel content with the fact that I have had 4 beautiful daughters and that chapter of my life is well and truly over.

Imagine if I was looking for a “sperm donor” the pickings are so slim and the gene pool is on shaky ground.

Many times I have advised people who tell me that they are unhappy in their relationships to get counselling and try to make it work…. Because it is a jungle out here and they will not be any better off trying to find their “soul mate” at such a late stage.  Unless they are being mentally or physically abused (as was the case in my marriages) these couples should try counselling and give it all their energy to make it work.

There must be a way to work on the relationship and re-build the love, trust and commitment they once had.  Maybe I am being naïve and still buying into the fairy tale.

Every time I tell people that I am doing something interesting and a bit “left” field their immediate response is “oh yes, you might meet a nice guy”.  Recently I have been applying for transfers to remote areas of the country so my youngest daughter and I can enjoy a simpler life.  This would be better for us financially and have the added bonus of seeing some of our “lucky country”.  So with this in mind, people tell me that I might meet someone “nice” and I reply “I will probably meet lots of nice people”.

Hopefully I will have a tale or two to tell as well.  So rather than be “desperate” or wallowing in singledom I am determined to move forward and have some adventures….

We are city girls and have never lived in a remote country town before!!!

Do you think I am doing the right thing moving out to a remote area for financial reasons, career opportunities - to live a simple life?